I’m a mess.
I want to cry, but can’t.
I want to scream, but have no breath to.
I want to just stop everything, but my own will won’t let me. Not until this life of mine is taken away. I’m a mess, and I don’t know right from wrong anymore.
Although I have grown up through difficult times with Mother, after only a week away from home, it was so nice to visit her. A hug and a kiss from her is always rare in my life, and to see her loving smile upon me is rare for me as well. It is so nice to still have one parent who will always love you and be there for you even after all the mistakes you have commit to.
I finally understand why her words were always so harsh sounding and why we could never see eye to eye. I have realized that she was never ready to be a mother, even after having given birth to three sons. She was only trying her best to raise me up to be the girl she was unable to be. She wanted the world to love me and not treat me like the way it has towards my very own mother. She wants me to be strong, stronger than she will ever be. She has taught me that no man, not even your very own father could be trusted. The only person in this world whom you can always fall back on, as long as the person is alive, will be the very woman who carried you in her tummy for nine months (or even more, in my case).
I have never believed such words due to what I perceived as cruel actions from her. Not until this day. She has given me more motivation than ever and I now feel re-energized to continue in school, work, and providing for myself. I will be the one child who will not fail her. I will make Mother proud, and shove it in everyone else’s face who have put my mother through misery. Why? Because I love my mother and the woman deserves all the love and care in this world before she loses hope in the world’s good beings. Before she loses hope and trust in people, as I have once thought I had.
My father has taught me the greatest lesson of all in my life thus far. Even family cannot be trusted. Even family will bring you down. Even family will pretend to love and care for you, but behind your back, false rumors will be spread like fire. Thank you Father. I will one day repay all your doings towards my mother and your first born daughter. You have taught me to be a stronger person and endure.